Do you get irritated when experience certain behaviours and patterns in someone?
From a coaching perspective, we have the responsibility to create awareness in our coachee. Before someone can break through a pattern, awareness around what is happening is important.
Most of our behaviour happens unconsciously. We act and do, often not aware of what we are doing or the effect we are creating.
The behavioral model is a simple and effective tool that you can use to create awareness about behaviour in a gentle way.
We are humans that need each other to grow. Often when we give feedback it’s one way. This creates awareness and then we leave it there, for the person to break through.
How beautiful can it be if we come from a place of shared humanity to create awareness?
Behavioural patterns happen under your nose, you don’t need to look far.
What’s important is that you do it from a place of non-judgement. We also call this being a fair witness.
The steps will only work if you can come from a place where your emotions are as neutral as possible.
From a neutral position, tart the sentence with: I see that…. Or I hear you say…
Create awareness by asking: Are you aware that you are doing this?
Be direct and honest, from the place of non-judgement. Acknowledge the way the person sees the world by asking: What do you want to achieve with this behaviour? What is the meaning you give to this?
There’s a difference between what we want to achieve and the effect of the behaviour. Share the effect and invite the other person to react to it. Share what the effect means for you (as a coach). After sharing you can ask if the person wants to have this effect. Have a conversation.
People want to achieve their goals. The biggest changes are made when the person can find their own ways of how they wish to change things. The question you ask is: How can you or do you want to do this differently next time?
To break through patterns is easier said than done. Someone might need coaching and support in order to implement new behaviour. Its been said that new behaviour can take 21 days to fully integrate. The question you ask is: How can I support you in breaking through this pattern? What do you need from me?
My invitation to you
Be aware of your own subjective perception of behaviour of someone. It also says something about you.
We can’t see anything outside ourselves that is not in us. Ask yourself the question. What is the message here for me? What is the invitation towards myself, what is it that I can look at for myself?
Behaviour doesn’t drop from the air. It has a root. There is a reason why we do what we do. It comes from condition, hindering beliefs or deeper emotions stemming from how we see the world. Deeper patterns can drive our behaviour. Yet, the first step is awareness and this can help to build a bridge between what is happening in your subconscious to your conscious mind.
Like I love to say.. You are not behaviour, you are so much more than that.